Dealing With A Narcissist
It's been a few months now since I'm all clean, clean from the mess I was in when you were around and I'm glad that you aren't here anymore because I have learnt to live my life all over again.
You were the person who was once my everything, my home which made me feel like I belong there and I never wanted to leave. Things were going smoothly and the first few months were so blissful that I felt like you were really the one for me so I started dreaming of spending the rest of my life with you. You were the perfect guy a girl could ever ask and I was afraid that I might lose you because I was madly in love with you that made me so blind that I couldn't see any of your flaws and that was my biggest mistake.
Slowly as each day that passes by, you started acting differently like you were a new person to me and I didn't see what was coming my way. You started pushing me to such extents where I questioned myself, my love for you and most importantly I questioned my existence in your life.
You turned out to be the most cruel person I had ever met because of the things you made me do and I couldn't believe myself that I actually did the things. WHY? The only answer I had at that time was because I loved you and I needed you more than anything else in this world and I wanted to make this relationship work.
I broke all connections with my close friends, I never spoke to them for months, I never met them in these 8 months, I never attended any family function because you wanted me to stay back home and talk to you but you never did. You always said that you wanted to protect me from everyone else, you kept telling me that my friends were a bad influence and would be the cause of our breakup. I believed you like a fool and kept doing the things you asked me, I even backed you up financially which was my only savings and I gave you every penny I ever had without thinking about anything else.
You kept breaking my trust and I kept giving you chances after chances, I was in pain and you left me that way. Your anger was the one thing I was afraid of, every time you got angry it felt like that rage is about to take my life. That blind rage of yours always left me devastated because that was the beginning of mental torture and I never saw that coming. You broke my spirit, abused my love, abused me verbally and mentally and I was afraid that you might start hitting me soon.
Every time I walked in the college campus I kept quite and never spoke to anyone because you felt like I would team up with them against you, but what was more worse was that you threatened to ruin my life if I didn't do the things you asked me to do and if I went against your wishes, I had to face the torture all over again.
Every night I wondered and asked myself that why couldn't I leave him, why did I let him treat me that way and every time he threatened to leave me I always begged him to stay and I didn't know why I did that.
There was a time when I started developing severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and panic attacks. I had become a living mess for myself and I just couldn't deal with that anymore. I prayed everyday and wished to end my life so that I could save myself from this misery. I had suicidal thoughts but didn't have the courage to hurt myself physically because I was emotionally drained and didn't have the strength to do anything.
I suffered for months like this until I found the courage to take a stand for myself and I am really glad that I decided to give up on this miserable life and you because none of it was worth it, you weren't worth my efforts, my love, my tears, you didn't deserve me and I didn't deserve a person like you who would treat me like shit. Now I know why your previous girlfriends are living peacefully, its because they knew that you were a narcissist, who only loved himself and was not capable of loving any body else. You never cared how I felt and how you made me feel about you, all you cared was about your image and blamed me for your mistakes
You couldn't take a stand for yourself and wanted me to take a stand for you, you drained me out of my own strength and forced me to give up on myself because you could satisfy your ego. Many people don't realize that they are dealing with a narcissist unless the person starts showing off their true colors.
Be aware of the ones who say that they are the only ones who care about you because they are the best manipulators and will make you believe them. Such people are really good at getting the things they want and will never really care if they are going out of their way to hurt others, all they care is about themselves.
Thank you for showing me who you really are so that now I know that I should not trust anyone no matter how good they are because in the end people will always hurt you.
You were the person who was once my everything, my home which made me feel like I belong there and I never wanted to leave. Things were going smoothly and the first few months were so blissful that I felt like you were really the one for me so I started dreaming of spending the rest of my life with you. You were the perfect guy a girl could ever ask and I was afraid that I might lose you because I was madly in love with you that made me so blind that I couldn't see any of your flaws and that was my biggest mistake.
Slowly as each day that passes by, you started acting differently like you were a new person to me and I didn't see what was coming my way. You started pushing me to such extents where I questioned myself, my love for you and most importantly I questioned my existence in your life.
You turned out to be the most cruel person I had ever met because of the things you made me do and I couldn't believe myself that I actually did the things. WHY? The only answer I had at that time was because I loved you and I needed you more than anything else in this world and I wanted to make this relationship work.
I broke all connections with my close friends, I never spoke to them for months, I never met them in these 8 months, I never attended any family function because you wanted me to stay back home and talk to you but you never did. You always said that you wanted to protect me from everyone else, you kept telling me that my friends were a bad influence and would be the cause of our breakup. I believed you like a fool and kept doing the things you asked me, I even backed you up financially which was my only savings and I gave you every penny I ever had without thinking about anything else.
You kept breaking my trust and I kept giving you chances after chances, I was in pain and you left me that way. Your anger was the one thing I was afraid of, every time you got angry it felt like that rage is about to take my life. That blind rage of yours always left me devastated because that was the beginning of mental torture and I never saw that coming. You broke my spirit, abused my love, abused me verbally and mentally and I was afraid that you might start hitting me soon.
Every time I walked in the college campus I kept quite and never spoke to anyone because you felt like I would team up with them against you, but what was more worse was that you threatened to ruin my life if I didn't do the things you asked me to do and if I went against your wishes, I had to face the torture all over again.
Every night I wondered and asked myself that why couldn't I leave him, why did I let him treat me that way and every time he threatened to leave me I always begged him to stay and I didn't know why I did that.
There was a time when I started developing severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and panic attacks. I had become a living mess for myself and I just couldn't deal with that anymore. I prayed everyday and wished to end my life so that I could save myself from this misery. I had suicidal thoughts but didn't have the courage to hurt myself physically because I was emotionally drained and didn't have the strength to do anything.
I suffered for months like this until I found the courage to take a stand for myself and I am really glad that I decided to give up on this miserable life and you because none of it was worth it, you weren't worth my efforts, my love, my tears, you didn't deserve me and I didn't deserve a person like you who would treat me like shit. Now I know why your previous girlfriends are living peacefully, its because they knew that you were a narcissist, who only loved himself and was not capable of loving any body else. You never cared how I felt and how you made me feel about you, all you cared was about your image and blamed me for your mistakes
You couldn't take a stand for yourself and wanted me to take a stand for you, you drained me out of my own strength and forced me to give up on myself because you could satisfy your ego. Many people don't realize that they are dealing with a narcissist unless the person starts showing off their true colors.
Be aware of the ones who say that they are the only ones who care about you because they are the best manipulators and will make you believe them. Such people are really good at getting the things they want and will never really care if they are going out of their way to hurt others, all they care is about themselves.
Thank you for showing me who you really are so that now I know that I should not trust anyone no matter how good they are because in the end people will always hurt you.
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